THIS WEEK: Dan O’Brien grabs the reigns of The Cracked Podcast and invites Soren Bowie and Riot’s Liana Maeby to the show to defend their terrible taste. Dan and Soren defend their love of Space Jam and The Saint, while Liana maintains her stance that The Beatles are terrible.
That’s the perfect cover art for Dress Like Poison, Cover Paul McCartney: The Bon Jovi Story.
#5. Bon Jovi Covers the Beatles After Suffering Apparent Brain Trauma
Lyric Change: “You may be a lover, but you ain’t no dancer” BECAME “You ain’t no lover, but you ain’t no dancer”
Wow. So whereas the Beatles were cheekily saying, “Honey, you may know how to f*ck, but you don’t know how to dance,” Bon Jovi is moronically saying “Baby, you’re not a lover, oh, and also, you are deficient in dancing. So there are two things wrong with you, really. Both f*cking and dancing. On both counts I’d have to say you are sorely lacking. Also, I’m going to go ahead and use the “but” conjunction to combine these two similar things even though that makes no grammatical sense.”
Secret track name: “Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Dog!”
Come on, Texas, get a KLUE.
Austin, Texas’s ‘Servant Girl Annihilator’ was murdering young women before serial killing was cool.
#5. The Unsolved Gruesome Serial Murders of Young Women in the Late 19th Century
The Famous Version: Jack the Ripper
The Ripper’s exploits have him dubbed “the world’s first serial killer” by some, though if we’d only looked a few thousand miles west and a few years earlier, we’d see …
What you’ve never heard of: The Servant Girl Annihilator
The Servant Girl Annihilator isn’t the most subtle nickname, we know, but Texas in the 1880s was a simpler time, back when men were men and women were just viciously, brutally murdered all over the place. Seriously, three years before Jack ruined the carefree and utopian ambiance of the destitute London prostitute population, a remarkably similar, even more horrifying case of serial woman killings hit the booming town of Austin, Texas.
Let the polite and measured internet discussion begin!
#4. David Lee Roth
Van Halen was a bit like the ingredients in a McDonald’s cheeseburger. As a group, they’re delicious. Individually, they’re practically worthless. And David Lee Roth was the dehydrated onions on that terrible cheeseburger, a unique ingredient that might look ridiculous but somehow brings forth the best flavors from the rest of the ensemble.