NASHVILLE: come see us do comedy, music, and a podcast live! And meet us too (no touching of DOB’s face)!

NASHVILLE: come see us do comedy, music, and a podcast live! And meet us too (no touching of DOB’s face)!

Karen Jones you are a next-level Cracked fan and we salute you for it.

Karen Jones you are a next-level Cracked fan and we salute you for it.

thisdanobrien:

cracked:

NASHVILLE: We will be in you Sept. 24th at 7:30pm. Our resident rapper-laureate MS Werd (Michael Swaim) is bringing Soren Bowie, Cody Johnston, Jack O’Brien, Daniel O’Brien, David Wong and more of your site favorites to Zanies Nashville with a veritable assfull of stand-up comedy, music, factoids, un-aired sketches, panels, podcasts, and list-formatted musings. Come meet the gang, hear some things, see some things, think some things, and who knows…maybe even feel some things, too.* It’s the biggest CRACKED show ever, and it’s happening near you! OH, FRABJOUS DAY!
*Not a guarantee. Offer not valid for sociopaths.

That’s right! We’ve heard your requests to bring the Cracked Live Experience on the road and we decided “Okay will go to one other place.” Come see us in Nashville next month doing jokes, signing things, running around and eating very spicy chicken. I’ll be performing ten minutes of brand new stand-up and 24 hours of not new being uncomfortable in crowds.

thisdanobrien:

cracked:

NASHVILLE: We will be in you Sept. 24th at 7:30pmOur resident rapper-laureate MS Werd (Michael Swaim) is bringing Soren Bowie, Cody Johnston, Jack O’Brien, Daniel O’Brien, David Wong and more of your site favorites to Zanies Nashville with a veritable assfull of stand-up comedy, music, factoids, un-aired sketches, panels, podcasts, and list-formatted musings. Come meet the gang, hear some things, see some things, think some things, and who knows…maybe even feel some things, too.* It’s the biggest CRACKED show ever, and it’s happening near you! OH, FRABJOUS DAY!

*Not a guarantee. Offer not valid for sociopaths.

That’s right! We’ve heard your requests to bring the Cracked Live Experience on the road and we decided “Okay will go to one other place.” Come see us in Nashville next month doing jokes, signing things, running around and eating very spicy chicken. I’ll be performing ten minutes of brand new stand-up and 24 hours of not new being uncomfortable in crowds.

Find out why with Cracked’s Ultimate Disney Playlist, containing the secrets of everything from the Pixar Robopocalypse to a scientifically accurate Lion King.

And subscribe to Cracked on YouTube why dontcha? Every time we want to blow your mind with a video, you’ll see it!

NASHVILLE: We will be in you Sept. 24th at 7:30pm. Our resident rapper-laureate MS Werd (Michael Swaim) is bringing Soren Bowie, Cody Johnston, Jack O’Brien, Daniel O’Brien, David Wong and more of your site favorites to Zanies Nashville with a veritable assfull of stand-up comedy, music, factoids, un-aired sketches, panels, podcasts, and list-formatted musings. Come meet the gang, hear some things, see some things, think some things, and who knows…maybe even feel some things, too.* It’s the biggest CRACKED show ever, and it’s happening near you! OH, FRABJOUS DAY!
*Not a guarantee. Offer not valid for sociopaths.

NASHVILLE: We will be in you Sept. 24th at 7:30pmOur resident rapper-laureate MS Werd (Michael Swaim) is bringing Soren Bowie, Cody Johnston, Jack O’Brien, Daniel O’Brien, David Wong and more of your site favorites to Zanies Nashville with a veritable assfull of stand-up comedy, music, factoids, un-aired sketches, panels, podcasts, and list-formatted musings. Come meet the gang, hear some things, see some things, think some things, and who knows…maybe even feel some things, too.* It’s the biggest CRACKED show ever, and it’s happening near you! OH, FRABJOUS DAY!

*Not a guarantee. Offer not valid for sociopaths.

slayerofevil:

cracked:

This city needs a crazy vigilante with no superpowers. Wait, why does it need that?

Why Batman Doesn’t Have Any Friends: The Antiheroes Finale

This series wasn’t bad. Rom.Com is still the best. Go watch that. And, like, all of Cracked’s videos. Just, don’t leave your house ever. Cracked.com. All the time. It’s a thing.

That is mostly a compliment and we thank you for it!

So why does Cracked CONSTANTLY push Feminist propaganda so hard? And let's not bullshit ourselves. You do. Just yesterday you published five articles. Two specifically referenced either Feminism or Feminist backed statistics. Conversely whenever you cover anything related to the opposition you not only mislead about their views... you straight up fucking lie about them and people let you get away with it because you're a "humor magazine". So I'm wondering why you propagandize *so hard*. Why?

sorenbowie:

jetpackexhaust:

codyjohnston:

thisdanobrien:

hereinidaho:

Because we’re true believers! 

Let me take this moment to say how Cracked could have gone another direction 7 or 8 years ago, a more Maximy, Booby Gallery of the Day direction if not for the steadfast resistance of David Wong and Jack O’Brien. I barely acknowledge the side that opposes feminism, but Wong goes out of his way to understand people who are mad at feminists, and he writes about those views with more sensitivity and understanding that I could ever muster. 

To sum up: We don’t have an explicit agenda but if one comes across, It’s not one I’m ashamed of. 

Kristi is a liar. I remember the meeting where the Cracked brain trust sat down and was like “From now on let’s occasionally post articles that either directly or conspiratorially tangentially support equal rights for women so we can accomplish our ultimate end goal: Hack into the penis of every man and make it a smaller penis, or a penis that is otherwise laughable for a different reason upon which we all agree. It almost sounds TOO easy,” Jack said, as he (via the mainframe) hacked a young Robert Brockway’s penis. “I think my wife deserves my respect,” the now-neutered Brockway yelped.

#LaughablePenisRights

#NotAllLaughablePenises

It is weird that we do it so constantly, when everybody knows that people only deserve equal rights and treatment between the hours of4 and 7 pm on alternate February the 29ths. At first we worried that we couldn’t cover it all with our current propaganda budget, but we were able to transfer some funding to supporting feminism from our “Don’t be an asshole” budget because it turns out they overlap completely.

Look, I get it buddy. You’re pissed off because you’ve tried to be a good person your whole life and still you feel like you’ve been consistently stripped of the things you thought were guaranteed , and now there is a whole organized movement saying you still have too much, that you, just trying to live your life, is an affront to an entire gender. That’s a shitty feeling, but here’s the thing: no one is actually trying to take anything from you. That sickening feeling you have that your being robbed of basic human rights, there are people around you in your life who are feeling a worse version of that everyday. If you don’t believe me, look at any of the secret camera videos women have taken on the street to catch the verbal abuse they suffer, listen to any of the stories of guys who touch women on crowded trains and then smile at them as they leave because they know there’s nothing she can do about it, read any of the millions of accounts from human beings about the exhausting and demoralizing abuse they put up with every day. And you might not be the guy making them feel that way, I hope you’re not, but holy shit, you can actually help. You can help other people instead of standing in their way because it feels like another inconvenience. Finally, even if the absolute worse case scenario is true: this is one big conspiracy, Cracked and feminists and a huge chunk of the Internet are villainizing men unfairly and creating a culture where you’re no longer allowed to even voice your opinions without people getting angry- even if all of that is true- isn’t that worth preventing an inarguably high percentage of sexual abuse and dangerous objectification of your daughter/ your sister/ your wife? 

Not all the stabs at equality will be smart, or entirely on point or even helpful. This form of feminism is new, chillingly new for how long this shit has been going on, and not everyone is good at it yet, but holy shit, friend, how can you argue against the aim of basic respect for another human being?

XOXO,

Soren

Soren’s “empathy for you” is a false flag assault on your scrote size and don’t let anybody tell you different.

If enough of you go to SXSW’s website and vote for us, we can do a live After Hours episode in Austin. PLEASE HELP! Otherwise we’ll lose the vote, burn the scripts in a rage, and weep into our Webbys.

If enough of you go to SXSW’s website and vote for us, we can do a live After Hours episode in Austin. PLEASE HELP! Otherwise we’ll lose the vote, burn the scripts in a rage, and weep into our Webbys.

wordsinthemiddle:

Sometimes I forget cracked.com is a thing. And then I remember in a burst of infinite glory.

And then inside you’re all

Yes, that’s the correct year. In 1958 President Eisenhower was still writing his military-industrial complex speech, the Giants and Dodgers were playing their first seasons in California, and Cracked The Magazine began its mission to be better-ish than Mad Magazine through totally original imitation. We’ve come a long way and become a completely different thing since then, but we haven’t forgotten that our brand’s got an old school pre-Internet vibe that’s totally classic. We’re printing this design by Mattographer in four colors, all of them in limited quantities (and the swellest typeface we could find). Get one before we run out, or only have that color you don’t think looks good on you. You know the one. [GET IT HERE]

Yes, that’s the correct year. In 1958 President Eisenhower was still writing his military-industrial complex speech, the Giants and Dodgers were playing their first seasons in California, and Cracked The Magazine began its mission to be better-ish than Mad Magazine through totally original imitation. We’ve come a long way and become a completely different thing since then, but we haven’t forgotten that our brand’s got an old school pre-Internet vibe that’s totally classic. We’re printing this design by Mattographer in four colors, all of them in limited quantities (and the swellest typeface we could find). Get one before we run out, or only have that color you don’t think looks good on you. You know the one. [GET IT HERE]