To hunt The Most Dangerous Game, use The Most Dangerously Adorable Game.
5 Ways to Use Babies as Criminal Accomplices
#5. As Bait
It’s this use of a baby as bait which lies at the heart of an old urban legend where someone uses a recording of a crying baby to encourage people to get out of their cars, or unlock their front doors, or reveal themselves in some way while trying to help. Once they are exposed, our criminal does some kind of murder crime on them. Although there doesn’t appear to be much evidence to support the reality of that urban legend, similar cases have sort of, kind of happened. Like this story of a baby stroller left in the middle of the road in Fresno, possibly as bait. Although, again, in that case no actual crime appears to have been committed, and experts remain uncertain about whether that’s just how people in Fresno store their babies.
In some species, every mother is John Hurt in 1979.
5 Tiny Animals That Deserve Their Own Horror Movie
#5. Surinam Toads Give Birth to Hundreds of Chestbursting Aliens at the Same Time
[That’s the back of] a Surinam toad, a species of aquatic toad from South America that, quite frankly, looks fucking dead. Seriously, it looks it got flattened by an 18-wheeler at a rest stop, and somebody just scraped it off the pavement and threw it in a river. But it turns out there’s a good reason it looks this way, and it has everything to do with makin’ babies in the grossest way possible. During the Surinam toad’s 12-hour sex session, the female will squirt a hot batch of eggs onto the male’s stomach. After he fertilizes those eggs like only a man can, they’re transferred over to the lucky lady, who gets to carry them around on her back for four months like the steroid-born acne of a professional weightlifter.
"Please focus on the children, and not my tragic case of L. Ron Hubbard Face."
5 People Who Became Unwitting Tourist Attractions
#5. The Canadian Quintuplets Who Lived in a Zoo
In 1934, Elzire Dionne of Ontario, Canada, gave birth to healthy identical quintuplet girls, the first such birth in recorded history. The joy of the occasion was sadly undermined when Dionne realized that even if her husband miraculously grew a pair of functional breasts then and there, the low-income couple would still be unable to provide for their family, which already included five other children. … The Canadian government decided to take the girls away from their parents and appointed a new guardian to raise them properly.
That job went to Allan Dafoe (the doctor that delivered the quintuplets), who immediately displayed his triple-A parenting skills by putting the sisters in a public building and charging strangers to watch them play.
William’s face. Give me your baby, Prince William. You look tired.
Don’t let New Parent Face happen to you (as often).