Frankly, LA had this shirt coming. The NFL draft is in just a few short days, and somehow even in 2014 a permanently sunny city filled with sprawling space for a stadium can’t hold onto a goddamn team. But as much as St. Louis and Oakland are apparently more attractive places to play your NFL home games, let’s not forget little Green Bay, Wisconsin, where the temperatures can plummet into the negative 30s and fans will still show up at the games 80 percent naked. Maybe it’s the fact that the skyline consists almost exclusively of industrial plants or that the entire state rests its pride on cheese, but this city has some elusive, impossible charm that Los Angeles will never understand. Get this design by Aaron Russell and Ian Disend in a lovely green to let people know you stand for something, even if you’re only standing there because your legs are too cold to move you somewhere warm like Chicago. [GET IT HERE]
Ever noticed a certain odor in San Francisco and thought…
THIS WEEK ON UNPOPULAR OPINION: host Adam Tod Brown welcomes Judge Joe Brown infiltrator Harmon Leon and Cracked Tumblrizer Alex Schmidt to figure out whether New York, Los Angeles, or San Francisco is America’s greatest worst great city. Plus, what the hell is wrong with Rolling Stone these days?
This is pretty great! The goof who runs this Tumblr is on it! He’s typing that right now!
Visit the end of the world without ever leaving L.A.!
LA-88 was built in 1956 and manned by more than 100 soldiers who had the endearing motto “If it flies, it dies.” The base was just one link in the “Ring of Steel” — 16 Nike missile sites that protected L.A. from Russkie bombers in the good ol’ days of the Cold War (some say they were higher quality than the Reebok missile bases, while others say they lacked a certain flair). If you’re not familiar with Cold War death machines, the Nike Hercules missile packed a freaking nuclear warhead — which seems like overkill for just “bringing down airplanes” to us, but we digress. Fortunately for those of us who value the relative uncookedness of our skin, the Nike program was dissolved in the ’70s, and the site abandoned.
Come on out tomorrow to meet me and Jack and Soren and Cody and Michael and a bunch of other Cracked.com folks. We’ll be reading from and signing copies of our new book, The De-Textbook. Jokes will happen. And so on.
Would you like to marinate in the real-life essence of Cracked’s Jack O’Brien, Dan O’Brien, Soren Bowie, Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, and Adam Tod Brown? Would you also like to hear some waggish banter and get a copy of The De-Textbook signed? Well, December 10th (this Tuesday) is your lucky day!
TODAY: Cracked returns to Comikaze with afternoon book signings and a panel at 3pm. Meet us IRL and see a brand-new sketch!
EVEN BIGGER NEWS: if you bring a copy of The De-Textbook with you, WE WILL SIGN IT from 4-6pm (and then stop due to vicious hand-cramping).
"Los Angeles is covered in smog. We need to run tests to find out how this will affect people living there."
"OK, let’s put a big plastic bucket on some woman’s head and pump smog into her eyes to see how much that bugs her."
"Jesus, what? Isn’t there a less awful way to do this?"
"Probably. What’s your point?"
"Right, I’ll get the goggles!"