“Make it gross, Number One.”
5 Movie Jokes You Missed If You Only Speak English

#5. Star Trek: The Next Generation Is Full of References to Silly Anime
In the episode “The Icarus Factor,” the Enterprise’s first officer, William Riker, has to deal with personal issues concerning his estranged father that he thinks can only be achieved by whaling on him with a stick. Hence Riker challenges his father to Anbo-jyutsu, a made-up Japanese-esque martial art played in an arena with the Japanese character for “star” written in the middle and the words “Ataru” and “Ramu” beside it. There is also a Japanese banner in the back that reads “Urusei Yatsura.” I’d make a joke about how that translates to “tits and ass,” but it wouldn’t actually be a joke.

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“Make it gross, Number One.”

5 Movie Jokes You Missed If You Only Speak English

#5. Star Trek: The Next Generation Is Full of References to Silly Anime

In the episode “The Icarus Factor,” the Enterprise’s first officer, William Riker, has to deal with personal issues concerning his estranged father that he thinks can only be achieved by whaling on him with a stick. Hence Riker challenges his father to Anbo-jyutsu, a made-up Japanese-esque martial art played in an arena with the Japanese character for “star” written in the middle and the words “Ataru” and “Ramu” beside it. There is also a Japanese banner in the back that reads “Urusei Yatsura.” I’d make a joke about how that translates to “tits and ass,” but it wouldn’t actually be a joke.

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slayerofevil:

cracked:

This city needs a crazy vigilante with no superpowers. Wait, why does it need that?

Why Batman Doesn’t Have Any Friends: The Antiheroes Finale

This series wasn’t bad. Rom.Com is still the best. Go watch that. And, like, all of Cracked’s videos. Just, don’t leave your house ever. Cracked.com. All the time. It’s a thing.

That is mostly a compliment and we thank you for it!

wereoutwardlycomposed:

cracked:

The new Cracked Podcast episode wants to change your life. And its soundtrack’s changing, remixing and celebrating your favorite artists:

Hear “Kanye” along with the rest of our song picks on the Cracked Podcast’s Spotify playlist, and hear The Hood Internet as often as possible.

SO happy there’s a playlist for this! :)

There’s a new episode Monday! In the meantime, bump this in your earbuds.

bankshot:

cracked:

thisdanobrien:

Cracked was challenged to put ice water on our heads in support of ALS. We have in turned challenged our good buddies/enemies for life CollegeHumor. This was the second time Soren and I covered ourselves in ice water together. The first time was for a different thing.

The first time remains a closely guarded secret and you’ll never get the details out of us.

Now here’s a GIF of thisdanobrien's WWE-worthy finish:

cracked

In the pantheon of art, one work stands above the rest as a celebration of the divine (painting) and the lowbrow (animals sinning). That work is “Dogs Playing Poker” (C. M. Coolidge). And the gods of pop culture function like those chummy mutts, bringing together holy might with the fact that it’s just a comic book. So put all your cultural cards on the table with this design from Joon Kim and idea from Cody Johnston. And try to figure out if Kratos is bluffing … his grin says “definitely,” but his mind might be like “Remember that time I filleted a deity?” [GET IT HERE]

In the pantheon of art, one work stands above the rest as a celebration of the divine (painting) and the lowbrow (animals sinning). That work is “Dogs Playing Poker” (C. M. Coolidge). And the gods of pop culture function like those chummy mutts, bringing together holy might with the fact that it’s just a comic book. So put all your cultural cards on the table with this design from Joon Kim and idea from Cody Johnston. And try to figure out if Kratos is bluffing … his grin says “definitely,” but his mind might be like “Remember that time I filleted a deity?” [GET IT HERE]

If you get to carry a gun and break traffic laws, you might need to make a conscious effort to otherwise be a regular Joe.
4 Weird Decisions That Have Made Modern Cops Terrifying

#4. Cops Separate Themselves From the Community
To someone on the outside, one of the most baffling parts of the Ferguson Police Department’s response to their shooting of an unarmed teenager was when they refused to name the officer who pulled the trigger. “If we come out and say, ‘It was this officer,’ then he immediately becomes a target,” the Ferguson, MO police chief said, about officer Darren Wilson, the cop who shot 18 year-old Mike Brown. “We’re taking the threats seriously.” The reason it seemed strange is because it implied that the cops don’t see themselves as part of the community. In a perfect world, the police chief should look at a dead kid and be like, “Wow, this whole town needs to work together to figure out what happened here, because a child is dead, and that is unacceptable.” But instead he prioritized the comfort and security of his officer over the comfort and security of his community, which … okay, non-rhetorical question: Isn’t that literally the opposite of his job?

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If you get to carry a gun and break traffic laws, you might need to make a conscious effort to otherwise be a regular Joe.

4 Weird Decisions That Have Made Modern Cops Terrifying

#4. Cops Separate Themselves From the Community

To someone on the outside, one of the most baffling parts of the Ferguson Police Department’s response to their shooting of an unarmed teenager was when they refused to name the officer who pulled the trigger. “If we come out and say, ‘It was this officer,’ then he immediately becomes a target,” the Ferguson, MO police chief said, about officer Darren Wilson, the cop who shot 18 year-old Mike Brown. “We’re taking the threats seriously.” The reason it seemed strange is because it implied that the cops don’t see themselves as part of the community. In a perfect world, the police chief should look at a dead kid and be like, “Wow, this whole town needs to work together to figure out what happened here, because a child is dead, and that is unacceptable.” But instead he prioritized the comfort and security of his officer over the comfort and security of his community, which … okay, non-rhetorical question: Isn’t that literally the opposite of his job?

Read More

Ha ha ha ha ha ha what?
5 Complex Languages Invented by One (Crazy) Person

#3. Lojban
Without going into all the details, because I don’t really understand all the details, Lojban’s vocabulary and grammar prevent ambiguity; a correctly formed Lojban sentence will have only one semantic meaning. You can sort of see how this would appeal to a certain mind, someone who has posters of well-designed data structures on their walls and cries during Kraftwerk shows. But as a writer, one obvious-sounding limitation of a language like this is the fact that ambiguity is one of the things that makes languages fun. Entire branches of humor are predicated on hilarious double meanings. Although most double entendres are now horrible cliches, the premise behind them lies at the core of many, many other chuckle delivery vehicles.

Read More

Ha ha ha ha ha ha what?

5 Complex Languages Invented by One (Crazy) Person

#3. Lojban

Without going into all the details, because I don’t really understand all the details, Lojban’s vocabulary and grammar prevent ambiguity; a correctly formed Lojban sentence will have only one semantic meaning. You can sort of see how this would appeal to a certain mind, someone who has posters of well-designed data structures on their walls and cries during Kraftwerk shows. But as a writer, one obvious-sounding limitation of a language like this is the fact that ambiguity is one of the things that makes languages fun. Entire branches of humor are predicated on hilarious double meanings. Although most double entendres are now horrible cliches, the premise behind them lies at the core of many, many other chuckle delivery vehicles.

Read More

unpops:

California might be out of water, but that’s not stopping us from luring LA’s best comics to Westside this coming Tuesday. SEE:
Quincy Jones
Eli Braden
Jak Knight
Adam Tod Brown
Brendan McGinley
Josh Rencher
Jose Alvarez
Ben Blanchard
Come to the beach Tuesday Sept. 2nd and see all these comics for five bucks. There will be beer and maybe even water!

ATB and The Gentleman Bastard on one show? Clearing next week immediately.

unpops:

California might be out of water, but that’s not stopping us from luring LA’s best comics to Westside this coming Tuesday. SEE:

Come to the beach Tuesday Sept. 2nd and see all these comics for five bucks. There will be beer and maybe even water!

ATB and The Gentleman Bastard on one show? Clearing next week immediately.

Cracked sat down with Taylor Crane, a man who worked in a luxury hotel and saw the dirty, sometimes literally shitty exploits of the One Percent firsthand.
5 Things You Learn About Rich People Working at a Nice Hotel

#5. Rich People Live by Different Rules
It’s just the way it works — you accommodate the guests, and at that income level, it means you stay out of the way of whatever they want to do. When a car full of female escorts pulls up, you go and assist them. It isn’t illegal prostitution when rich people do it — it’s just a “private party.”
On one occasion, I went to collect bags from a guest, and when I was let in, the room was in shambles. The windows had been taped. Not just a little tape on the window, either — the entire window was covered. I was completely taken aback. It looked like the meth house from Breaking Bad (pick one), but the guest walked out in a suit, spoke like a completely normal person, and had all of his teeth. He never once acknowledged the mess other than to mention he needed housekeeping. I asked the housekeeper about him later and she just shrugged and said he tipped well.

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Cracked sat down with Taylor Crane, a man who worked in a luxury hotel and saw the dirty, sometimes literally shitty exploits of the One Percent firsthand.

5 Things You Learn About Rich People Working at a Nice Hotel

#5. Rich People Live by Different Rules

It’s just the way it works — you accommodate the guests, and at that income level, it means you stay out of the way of whatever they want to do. When a car full of female escorts pulls up, you go and assist them. It isn’t illegal prostitution when rich people do it — it’s just a “private party.”

On one occasion, I went to collect bags from a guest, and when I was let in, the room was in shambles. The windows had been taped. Not just a little tape on the window, either — the entire window was covered. I was completely taken aback. It looked like the meth house from Breaking Bad (pick one), but the guest walked out in a suit, spoke like a completely normal person, and had all of his teeth. He never once acknowledged the mess other than to mention he needed housekeeping. I asked the housekeeper about him later and she just shrugged and said he tipped well.

Read More

We forced our researcher to go through culinary hell. Because in the olden days, people volunteered.
7 Gross Foods Your Grandparents Ate (That We Taste Tested)

#4. Glace Fish Mold
This is one of the two I was dreading (you’ll know the second one when you see it). Look at that thing. It’s a freaking Jell-O-ized fish. And it’s smiling. Despite my seething hatred for everybody who had taste buds from 1960 to 1969, I prepared my no-flavor gelatin to cool real quick, added everything in, and let it solidify in a tubular, fish-like shape.

Read More

We forced our researcher to go through culinary hell. Because in the olden days, people volunteered.

7 Gross Foods Your Grandparents Ate (That We Taste Tested)

#4. Glace Fish Mold

This is one of the two I was dreading (you’ll know the second one when you see it). Look at that thing. It’s a freaking Jell-O-ized fish. And it’s smiling. Despite my seething hatred for everybody who had taste buds from 1960 to 1969, I prepared my no-flavor gelatin to cool real quick, added everything in, and let it solidify in a tubular, fish-like shape.

Read More