Looks like right after the U.N. bans all the guns they’re going to make us eat bugs.
4 Reasons Insects Will Soon be a Staple of Your Diet
Unless you’re an unsupervised toddler or a contestant on Fear Factor, you’re probably going out of your way to not let bugs down your gullet. But that’s a specifically Western thing — everyone else on the planet has been fine with eating insects for a while now.
C’mon, Vince McMahon. Let’s get Leno back in the ring where he belongs. He’ll be available next year!
The 5 Most Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Pro Wrestling
#5. Jay Leno Takes on Hulk Hogan (and Wins)
In 1998, wrestling was red hot and firmly in the mainstream. Everybody wanted in on the act, and World Championship Wrestling (WCW) just refused to say no. This is how they wound up having Jay Leno (yup, that one) fight Hulk Hogan. And not just fight him, but beat his ass. If it’s still not clear to you why this made wrestling fans groan and roll their eyes, just look at it.
We get that wrestling fans don’t demand gritty realism from their sport — they’re not stupid, they understand the concept of suspension of disbelief. But regardless of how ridiculous the storylines can get, at the very least they have to make it somewhat plausible that the guy who wins the match could actually have done it. You know, because both guys in the ring are professional wrestlers and it’s not, say, a muscle-bound superman versus a pudgy middle-aged desk jockey.
The only thing more absurd than playing a game in which all the townfolk get eaten alive by ants would be actually developing the game in which all the townfolk get eaten alive by ants.
5 Unintentionally Hilarious Live-Action Video Games
#4. It Came from the Desert: Ants Devour Regenerating People
It Came from the Desert was a reasonably well-received game that came out on the defunct Amiga system back in 1989 and was re-released in 1991 on the similarly not-around-anymore TurboGrafx-CD. On the surface, it seems like it should be corny fun — it’s a tribute to 1950s sci-fi flicks in which a meteor lands near a desert town and releases a swarm of mutated ants.
But then you realize that much of the action involves watching the townspeople get slowly eaten to death, one chunk of flesh at a time, as they lay helpless in the desert.
If not for some filthy thief, you would have had to take your mom to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway instead of American Idiot.
4 Crazy Reasons Classic Albums Almost Never Got Made
#4. Green Day’s American Idiot Replaced a Completed Album That Was Stolen from the Band
When [Green Day] finally reconvened to record a follow-up to the folk-influenced Warning (a B-sides and rarities collection, Shenanigans, was released in 2002), it should come as no surprise that the band made a focused effort to return to their roots by recording an album of up-tempo punk songs reminiscent of those found on their earliest records. What is slightly more surprising, though, is what happened when they finished recording that album.
Apparently, someone just stole that shit. Like picked it up and walked out of the studio with it, never to be seen again. That’s the story the band has always stuck to, at least. The album would have been called Cigarettes and Valentines and, if I’m guessing, it would have been kind of terrible. Evidence of that can be found in what the band decided to do after the theft, which, basically, was to take it as a sign that they should just record a different album altogether.
Like a New York apartment, you figure someone’s going to come along and snatch it up, so why bother putting any effort whatsoever into the listing?
3 Sad Details of the Government’s Auction of Air Force One
Pictured in that uncontrollably exciting ad is a DC 9-32 — one of the actual airplanes used in the presidential fleet. It was in operation from 1975 to 2005, and it has seated six different presidents of the United States, as well as their vice presidents and wives, and also countless government mini-bosses like generals and foreign dignitaries. And now it is up for an online auction starting at 50,000 bucks, which is about the same price as a Chevrolet Express.
The reboot’s hot sauce Captain Kirk will likely cause intergalactic warfare. But it’s okay, because he’s pretty.
5 Horrifying Implications of the ‘Star Trek’ Universe
#5. Kirk Is Destined to Accidentally Start a Horrific War
[T]he Starship Enterprise is on a long-term diplomatic peacekeeping mission around the galaxy on behalf of the space United Nations. Its job is to contact new civilizations (as it says at the beginning of every episode) and spread the Federation’s message of peace and togetherness. Humanity’s entire relationship to these new races will be defined by this first impression. We’ve seen starship captains broker peace treaties and make decisions that affected the entire future of an alien civilization.
The rebooted Jim Kirk, meanwhile, is a drunken asshole who punched his way onto a Starfleet recruiting shuttle — at the time of his whirlwind promotion, he’d only been in the academy for three years. Giving him the job is like sending Jason Statham to negotiate peace talks in the Green Zone. Putting that cowboy at the helm of Earth’s humanitarian flagship is probably going to trigger more space wars than have ever been documented in the history of science fiction, even if the movie portrays the job as being mostly running down hallways and dangling off cliffs.