As much as we want to see Betsy Ross fight werewolves with that sewing needle…
5 Types of Movie Adaptations That Must Be Stopped
#5. Public Domain Monster Mashups
Examples: Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, Cowboys & Aliens, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, I, Frankenstein
Here’s a quick formula for a successful movie. Step one: Take a historical figure or a fictional character whose creator died long enough ago for their work to be in the public domain. Step two: Add a randomly selected creature or monster from the urban fantasy shelf in the nearest bookstore. Step three: Make a movie in which these two things either team up or fight each other to the death. Congratulations! You have just printed yourself a lot of money.
Everyone get your markers out: It’s once again time to weed through your Facebook feed to furiously black out yet another week’s worth of sloppy and gullible news reporting.
4 B.S. Viral News Stories That Fooled Your Friends (Part 20)
#3. A UNC Player Didn’t Get an A- on a One-Paragraph Essay
As the story continued to unfold, the whistleblower herself had to clarify that the A- was actually the final overall grade of the student … who made that paper for an introductory assignment … that was actually a first draft copy with no grade … and wasn’t for a bogus class. ESPN just edited the video so that the moment she showed the paper came right after the part where she was talking about “classes that didn’t exist,” and sports journalists did the rest.
In fake-space, no one can hear your core scream.
6 Movies That Put Insane Work Into Stuff You Never Noticed
#6. Gravity Is Even More Insane Than You Thought
Everything had to be meticulously planned from the beginning, so much so that they fully illustrated every scene before they started shooting. Director Alfonso Cuaron said that they could have released an animated version years before the movie was ever released, so just be thankful we never got our Treasure Planet version of Gravity. Second, it meant throwing the actors around on wires for really long takes, because that’s Cuaron’s jam. Sandra Bullock trained for five months to hang upside down without conveying the tension of the wires, and if that doesn’t sound incredible to you, go hang upside down from a jungle gym for several hours while pretending to be weightless and let me know how your abs feel.
And a few short months later, the Dad Jokes began.
4 Lame Jokes You Start Telling as Soon as You Become a Dad
#4. The Beginner Joke
The first type of Dad Joke isn’t really much different from what you might find if you browsed around in the kids’ section of your local bookstore for titles like 101 Animal Puns or 101 More Animal Puns. … Jokes like:
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cellphones!
What has four legs but can’t walk? A table!