“Look closely and you’ll see a face. That there is an actual Angora rabbit, and its fur is the result of carefully breeding only the fluffiest bunnies with each other over thousands of generations.” (via 19 Images You Won’t Believe Aren’t Photoshopped (Part 13))
He just needs a beauty and a way to beat hotel security.
But, uh, yeah! Hot!
pfft. that’s just a tuesday at my place…
And on Wednesday, you tumblr.
Now imagine if that feeling came from parasites.
#6. You Will Cover Yourself in Vaseline
Getting bedbugs is like being a fan of the Chicago Cubs: Even though you know the days ahead are going to be filled with suffering and misery, you still have to get up every day and live your life. For instance, I had an active nightlife (that is, I did frequent late-night World of Warcraft raids), and bedbugs love their midnight munchies. So any time I looked down, I’d see a platoon of bloodsuckers sprinting across my desk. And I don’t much like being bitten — the distraction was seriously hurting my damage per second. So, I slathered my ankles, wrists, and arms with coating after coating of Vaseline until I resembled a glazed doughnut. And yes, it worked — the bugs would crawl up to me, try to feast on my delicious blood, and immediately get stuck. At the end of the night, I’d retire to the bathroom to scrape off the glaze — which was by now covered in bedbug sprinkles. I was the doughnut Satan would give as ironic punishment to a glutton.
i lived in a home infested with bedbugs once. All i remember is a dim and horrifying haze of red marks and openly weeping
In Lincoln’s case, emphasis on the sword.
#5. Abe Lincoln Narrowly Avoided Getting Shot to Death in a Duel
It all started in 1842, when the Springfield Journal published letters from one “Aunt Becca” accusing [attorney James] Shields…of being “a ballroom dandy, floatin’ about on the earth without heft or substance, just like a lot of cat-fur where cats had been fightin’.” … Shields vowed that there would be “coffee and pistols for two” once he discovered the true author of the letters. And that’s where Lincoln comes in — because the author was none other than Mary Todd, aka the future Mary Todd Lincoln. … Lincoln was forced to accept Shields’ challenge on his fiancee’s behalf. And that was a problem, because Shields was an experienced marksman, whereas Lincoln had little experience in the art of remotely drilling holes in other humans. Abe did have two things going for him, though: A) he got to set the terms of the duel, and B) he was basically superhuman. Lincoln used those two things to his every advantage: The duel would take place in a tiny arena where the participants would be separated by a wooden plank (stepping over the plank would mean forfeiture), and rather than Shields’ preferred weapon of choice (pistols), they would use fucking broadswords.
Pretty excited about the After Hours episode I wrote today.
Basically imagining Soren making this face for an entire episode:
You have no idea what you’re looking at.
#5. Flukes That Turn California Killifish Suicidal
The Euhaplorchis californiensis is a trematode, or a fluke (if you’re nasty). These parasites reproduce only inside the belly of a bird, but since they live underwater and are all but microscopic, that’s kind of a tall task. Enter the California killifish, who lives up to its name by being killed in one of the worst ways imaginable — via parasitic fluke eating away at its brain until it mindlessly offers itself to a hungry avian.
If you build it, they will [can YOU fill in the punchline???].
In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant, and I threw in a little gold digging just for funzies. I maintain that there is not a human on this planet who would read this profile and think, “Yes, I’d like to spend any amount of the fleeting time I’m given on my journey around the sun getting to know this person.”
She got 150 messages in 24 hours.
I’m speechless. Completely. And I’ve never been so glad to not be pretty…
Bullshit. All our fans are pretty