One guy directed the entire Mad Max franchise. And the entire time, he was thinking about a talking pig.
Your ground floor doesn’t touch the Earth, does it?
Just when your pension’s less than a parsec away…
If you laughed at that picture, you learned your astronomy in a better, older time.
#5. We Needed a Less-Naughty Pronunciation of “Uranus”
I remember learning about Uranus as a kid, and everyone laughed, and then we stopped, because, y’know, even though it’s a damn fine joke — because it sounds like a body part, get it — it got old at around 9 years old. But apparently scientists and newscasters got tired of seeming silly, so they changed the pronunciation of “Uranus.” Oh, let me help you: “URAN-us,” which, as it turns out, still has “urine” in it, so it’s still kind of funny, but not as funny as “your anus.”
If hateful commenters knew how much they made me laugh, it would upset them way more than they want to upset me.
"If it wants to kill you, I’m there." This is how George Kourounis described his job to us.
#5. Getting to the Dangerous Place Is Sometimes More Dangerous Than the Actual Dangerous Place
Everyone expects certain fabled and remote corners of the world to be dangerous, but you sort of skip over the journeys there like they aren’t an issue. Take Nyiragongo crater, for instance. It’s on the border of Congo and Rwanda. Congo has had two generations of civil war and deals with refugees from the Rwandan genocides. To get to the crater, you need armed guards with machine guns with you at all times. I’ve been to a lot of places, many of them literally and constantly on fire, and probably the scariest place I’ve ever been was eastern Congo. And we’re not even talking about the flaming death pools yet.
You miss every shot you don’t take…even if you’re that guy on the right.
#5. Oktai Enimehmedov Fails from Six Inches Away
[Enimehmedov’s] problem was that he couldn’t buy a real gun — not every country is like America in that regard. So he substituted by buying something called a gas pistol. It’s like a handgun, but fires pellets filled with tear gas instead of bullets. Literally the only way you could kill someone with it is if you shot them in the eye at point-blank range. …He chose to run up on stage while [Bulgarian politician Ahmed] Dogan was giving a speech to a large audience on live television. And it fucking worked. He got past everyone. He ran right up, stuck the gun right in Dogan’s face, literally inches from his eyeball, pulled the trigger, and then…click. Nothing happened.
It’s very courteous of Hugh Jackman to try and evolve into the Sam Keith Wolverine
The new Does Not Compute celebrates little-known local ads that are little-known for so, so many reasons.
For those that don’t yet follow cracked, and you know who you are, begin with this fine gem. Then read like 20 articles and a couple of photoplasty’s
So many good tips right there.
This vid is great, but I always encourage people to start with Christina H’s 5 Reasons I Wrote the Drunkest Column Ever.
That Christina H joint is a linkworthy classic.