With great mistranslation comes great big fighting robots.
DID YOU KNOW: Companies purposefully have their mascots’ eyes tilted downward in order to make eye contact with children walking down grocery store aisles, essentially hypnotizing them into begging Mommy for their product.
#3. It’s Not Just Cereal Boxes
It’s everywhere, hiding in plain sight. And the most glaringly obvious offender? Fucking Lucky Charms. Imagine being a 5-year-old kid walking through the grocery store, and these bulging white Irish eyes pop out, smiling down in your direction. … You turn once again, trying to resist the subliminal order, and guess who’s waiting for you there. So now you’re spinning around the aisle with all these eyes just beaming down at you, begging you — and by “begging” we mean holding a mental gun to your 5-year-old, unsophisticated id — to buy their shit.
They’re even China’s OTP.
Today’s new Cracked Podcast episode about why the modern world is way more sexist than we realize leads off with this killer remix of Zella Day’s “Sweet Ophelia”, available for free download from SoundCloud.
And hear Day’s original track plus new tUnE-yArDs and classic Lauryn Hill on our free Spotify playlist of all the music we’ve ever podcasted (podcast’d?).
With one kick she destroyed that mugger’s balls and our expectations.
See every episode of The Spit Take on this handy YouTube playlist! We promise Jack doesn’t even wear that jacket every time.
And god forbid you want to see those genius gay characters smooch.
You don’t start in the scream business and become Jason Voorhees on night one. You have to work up to it with patience, machete hours, and a death by drowning that the characters learn of around the hour mark. But you know what backstory’s even scarier than that? Zero backstory at all. This design from Luke Schroeder combines Friday the 13th’s silent implacable masked shuffler with Nintendo’s silent implacable masked shuffler. Because seriously, how did the Koopa Troop see a pack of masked hooded figures and say “I’d like to eat lunch with them every day”? [GET IT HERE]
Pretty excited about the After Hours episode I wrote today.
From Dan’s brain in March to actual Internet life in April:
At some point every struggling author finds themselves hungry like the wolf.
#5. Neil Gaiman’s First Book Was a Biography of Duran Duran
Early in his career, when Gaiman was just trying to get published to put ramen in the cupboard, he was given the opportunity to write a book about rock music. How cool is that? Of course Gaiman said he’d love to write about some hip, sexy rock band — maybe the Velvet Underground? The publishers laughed and laughed. Apparently the sarcastic air quotes around “rock music” didn’t come across over the phone. He was given a choice between writing his “rock book” about Barry Manilow, Def Leppard, or Duran Duran. He opted for the last one, because he had to live with himself afterward.