shadowsinseashells:

cracked:

What if we told you you could see a new superhero movie, a new Van Damme movie, and a new fucknuts crazy French movie WITH ONE TICKET?
4 Scenes to Expect From History’s Craziest Superhero Movie

#4. Falconman Has the Greatest Origin Story of All Time
First off, Van Damme is not playing Falconman. (His role is “the leader of a terror group from nowhere land between Indonesia and the Philippines.”) In fact, the Falconman website does not specify if anybody is playing Falconman, an omission that has led us to hypothesize that the role of Falconman is far too dramatic for any mortal.
This plot synopsis only corroborates our suspicions. For example, Falconman is the patron superhero for those with gambling addictions. And we quote:
The manipulation of sports betting in football, fashion, and Formula One is scaring everyone. FALCONMAN the new superhero better than Robin Hood saving the masses from losing all their money and falling into poverty and deprivation.

Read More

THIS CANNOT BE REAL

IT CAN

shadowsinseashells:

cracked:

What if we told you you could see a new superhero movie, a new Van Damme movie, and a new fucknuts crazy French movie WITH ONE TICKET?

4 Scenes to Expect From History’s Craziest Superhero Movie

#4. Falconman Has the Greatest Origin Story of All Time

First off, Van Damme is not playing Falconman. (His role is “the leader of a terror group from nowhere land between Indonesia and the Philippines.”) In fact, the Falconman website does not specify if anybody is playing Falconman, an omission that has led us to hypothesize that the role of Falconman is far too dramatic for any mortal.

This plot synopsis only corroborates our suspicions. For example, Falconman is the patron superhero for those with gambling addictions. And we quote:

The manipulation of sports betting in football, fashion, and Formula One is scaring everyone. FALCONMAN the new superhero better than Robin Hood saving the masses from losing all their money and falling into poverty and deprivation.

Read More

THIS CANNOT BE REAL

IT CAN

sordidpen:

cracked:

If evolutionary trends hold we’re gonna be taller, with larger eyes and brains and less hair. Just like…ya know.

Why ‘Space Aliens’ Might Just Be Humans from the Future

I didn’t know I needed a gif of Dan panicking manfully until this moment but now I am complete.

Probably a hot tip from their secret aliens.
24 Things the CIA Is (Probably) Keeping From Us

Probably a hot tip from their secret aliens.

24 Things the CIA Is (Probably) Keeping From Us

If “teen trend” didn’t set off your bullshit detector before…
4 BS Stories That Fooled Facebook This Week: Extinct Gingers

#3. No, “Vamping” Is Not a New Trend Among Teenagers. Come On
It looks like the trend reckoning to end all reckonings is upon us, and it’s called “vamping” … otherwise known as teenagers staying up too late. Wait, what? … Have the N.Y. Times, Yahoo, New York Magazine, and Medical Daily officially become parodies of their own sites? The N.Y. Times even points out that some of these kids are reading under the covers of their beds, because it’s not like that is something that’s been going on since the invention of electric light.

Read More

If “teen trend” didn’t set off your bullshit detector before…

4 BS Stories That Fooled Facebook This Week: Extinct Gingers

#3. No, “Vamping” Is Not a New Trend Among Teenagers. Come On

It looks like the trend reckoning to end all reckonings is upon us, and it’s called “vamping” … otherwise known as teenagers staying up too late. Wait, what? … Have the N.Y. Times, Yahoo, New York Magazine, and Medical Daily officially become parodies of their own sites? The N.Y. Times even points out that some of these kids are reading under the covers of their beds, because it’s not like that is something that’s been going on since the invention of electric light.

Read More

Is it weirder if it is a court-required thing, or if it isn’t?

If Bullies Were Honest

If you’re visiting their basement, pack a lunch.
24 Things the CIA Is (Probably) Keeping From Us

If you’re visiting their basement, pack a lunch.

24 Things the CIA Is (Probably) Keeping From Us

Homosexuality in India isn’t just jaywalking or pirating Game of Thrones illegal: It’s a 10-year prison sentence.
5 Realities of Being Gay in a Country Where It’s Illegal

#5. Progress Doesn’t Always Stay That Way
[An 1861 law from the British Raj era called] Section 377 made it a criminal act to have sex with a matching set of genitals. In 2009, one of India’s highest courts repealed the law. The gay community cheered “Progress!” and for a while things looked to be on an upswing. Then, in 2014, our Supreme Court revisited the issue and concluded, “Wait, nope, being gay is still illegal.”

Read More

Homosexuality in India isn’t just jaywalking or pirating Game of Thrones illegal: It’s a 10-year prison sentence.

5 Realities of Being Gay in a Country Where It’s Illegal

#5. Progress Doesn’t Always Stay That Way

[An 1861 law from the British Raj era called] Section 377 made it a criminal act to have sex with a matching set of genitals. In 2009, one of India’s highest courts repealed the law. The gay community cheered “Progress!” and for a while things looked to be on an upswing. Then, in 2014, our Supreme Court revisited the issue and concluded, “Wait, nope, being gay is still illegal.”

Read More

destructiondragon360:

cracked:

If you’re great at school and bad at people, the good news is that school’s a transferrable skill.
5 Life Hacks That Can Change an Introvert’s Life

#5. Overthinking It
Basic friend-making skills like small talk and banter, once I got the hang of them, ended up being two things that I’m not actually that bad at. When needed, I can hold court like a motherfucker. But this is absolutely something I need to “turn on” to do, and when I don’t make the effort, in most social situations I will drift into a conversation with a bookshelf or particularly friendly dog. .. I’m sure there are norms out there who breeze into and out of conversations like it’s nothing, and hey, bully for their perfect blond heads. But for the rest of us, who have diagrammed in advance a conversation to order pizza, overthinking things like this is simply how it has to be done.

Read More

cracked telling me to do that thing I do all my life that everyone else tells me not to do

We get you

destructiondragon360:

cracked:

If you’re great at school and bad at people, the good news is that school’s a transferrable skill.

5 Life Hacks That Can Change an Introvert’s Life

#5. Overthinking It

Basic friend-making skills like small talk and banter, once I got the hang of them, ended up being two things that I’m not actually that bad at. When needed, I can hold court like a motherfucker. But this is absolutely something I need to “turn on” to do, and when I don’t make the effort, in most social situations I will drift into a conversation with a bookshelf or particularly friendly dog. .. I’m sure there are norms out there who breeze into and out of conversations like it’s nothing, and hey, bully for their perfect blond heads. But for the rest of us, who have diagrammed in advance a conversation to order pizza, overthinking things like this is simply how it has to be done.

Read More

cracked telling me to do that thing I do all my life that everyone else tells me not to do

We get you

Neil Young’s making an amazing new music player. He’s not making it so you can hear this.
5 Famous Albums You Won’t Believe You Can’t Buy Anymore

#5. Neil Young’s First-Ever Live Album
Following the success of Harvest, Neil Young’s record label wanted another album just like it and his fans wanted him to go on tour and play every song from it. He gave all of those people none of those things. Instead, his official follow-up to the expert craftsmanship of Harvest was a circus of an album called Time Fades Away, which consisted of completely new songs recorded while on a stadium tour of the United States. By that, I don’t mean he used his downtime to hit the studio. No, he literally recorded the songs live onstage in front of scores of fans who’d never heard them before.

Read More

Neil Young’s making an amazing new music player. He’s not making it so you can hear this.

5 Famous Albums You Won’t Believe You Can’t Buy Anymore

#5. Neil Young’s First-Ever Live Album

Following the success of Harvest, Neil Young’s record label wanted another album just like it and his fans wanted him to go on tour and play every song from it. He gave all of those people none of those things. Instead, his official follow-up to the expert craftsmanship of Harvest was a circus of an album called Time Fades Away, which consisted of completely new songs recorded while on a stadium tour of the United States. By that, I don’t mean he used his downtime to hit the studio. No, he literally recorded the songs live onstage in front of scores of fans who’d never heard them before.

Read More