That guy’s tolerable (if you do exactly what we say).
#4. The Entitled Dick
Let’s start sailing the seas of slimebaggery with the most common asshole encounter of our day and age: The Entitled Dick. We see stories about these full-person leaky sphincters on bottom-feeder news sites every day. They are the kids who scream bloody murder when they get a $500 cellphone for Christmas instead of the $550 one, and grow up to be the adults that tell people who help them change a tire to fucking hurry up because they have places to be.
IMPORTANT: OutKast is now on Tumblr.
With so much erotic fiction out there, it’s time to get even creative-r.
#5. Allergy Plot Twists
Think about it: Humans are commonly allergic to the hair, saliva, or dander of other mammals, and there’s no reason these allergies wouldn’t also be set off by mystical creatures or shapeshifting humans. Shapeshifters spend a lot of time in the forest, so they’d be covered in pollen half the year as well. Allergy-heartache could even apply to vampires: If you’re an immortal creature that doesn’t breathe or poop or sweat, you don’t have to change your clothes very often, so you’d probably get dusty as hell. “Boy meets girl, girl breaks out in hives” is a romance plot that writes itself. And yet, as an allergy sufferer myself, I can tell you that we’re an unrepresented market in any book genre, let alone erotica.
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Note: This article has been read 4.4 million times since March of 2012. In that time, the super-rich and the banks they love have continued to infuriate those of us who still worry about things like “paying bills” and “getting arrested if we commit fraud.” But in spite of all their victories and piles of gold, rich people continue to say dumb things — like that criticism against their lavish lifestyles is equivalent to the Holocaust. #CrackedClassic
And you thought the acronym had the secret meaning.
When it comes to famous duos, is Hillary Clinton the Batman to Bill Clinton’s Robin? Or is Hillary the MEGA-BATMAN to Bill’s Robin? (Also how the hell did Al Jackson get this selfie?)
THIS WEEK ON THE PODCAST: comic Al Jackson and Cracked imagewizard Randall Maynard join Adam Tod Brown to talk why Andre 3000 is not Bernie Mac’s baseball movie, why Diet Coke is like the bourbon of sodas, and why anybody who says Beyoncé isn’t hot can go straight to hell.
Why are Al Jackson and Mitt Romney posted up at the Burbank airport?
"Have you tried turning it 0 and 1 again?"