Bob Ross taught the world to paint. And the world painted him as the baddest motherfucker possible.
5 Bizarre Subgenres of Fan Art Lurking on the Internet
#2. Epic Bob Ross
I watched because Bob Ross was Xanax with an afro. He was so kind and soothing that he had to have been up to some nefarious shit. … That’s probably why Bob Ross fan art (because there is such a thing) goes in the opposite direction when portraying the guy who looks like he sells acid out of the back of his van. Why show him blandly standing beside an easel when you can toss some testosterone on that bitch and depict Bob Ross as a ripped Viking riding a dragon.
JOHNNY UTAH IS SECRETLY THE HIGHLANDER maybe
4 Insane Celebrity Conspiracy Theories We Wish Were True
#4. “Keanu Reeves and Nic Cage Are Immortal”
Several Internet eons ago (in 2011), a man emerged from the depths of the abyss bringing secret, dangerous knowledge: The entity we know as “Nicolas Cage” is immortal, and quite possibly a vampire. A few years earlier, we had already found out that another popular person we have come to call “Keanu Reeves” is equally ageless, having lived throughout the ages under various guises that include the French silent-film actor Paul Mounet and the legendary 9th-century emperor Charlemagne.
Unless you’re one of those total maniacs who goes to Comic-Con solely for comic book panels, expect to spend a good chunk of your hard-earned otaku pilgrimage queuing up. It’s an experience not unlike going to the Super Bowl, locking yourself in a porta-john for the first three quarters, emerging to watch a single field goal, and then returning to your bilious vigil until somebody goes to Disneyland.
4 Miserable Experiences You Can’t Avoid at Comic-Con
Starting to think our best friend Nick has a new best friend?
Pictured: Nintendo’s sheer goddamn confidence.
The 5 Most Embarrassing Video Game Commercials Ever Made
#5. Game Boy Micro: The Console That Rats Want to Fuck
From the Game Boy Pocket to the 2DS, Nintendo has always been known for putting out endless variants of their portable consoles regardless of whether anyone actually asked for them. So, when the time came in 2005 to explain to fans why they needed to buy the new smaller version of the Game Boy Advance, they didn’t even bother. They could make an ad showing a rat relentlessly humping their product, and people would still buy it. Here’s that ad.
He went from shirtless, to backed by as many tuxedoed people as possible.
4 Musical Geniuses Hiding in Unexpected Bands
#3. Kip Winger Writes Symphonies
Kip Winger is all about music. He started studying classical music at age 16 after hearing different composers in ballet class. When the ’80s ended and grunge hate-fucked glam rock into the grave, the band members kind of went their own directions. In the late ’90s, Kip decided that he wanted to continue his old childhood passion of learning classical music and enrolled himself in the University of New Mexico, where he studied with some of the biggest names in composing.
New life goal: get on the level of the drummer from Toto.
*”Africa” playing in our heads forever*
Hey so Chris Hadfield wrote us an article (!) involving pooping and peeing (!!!!!!!).
6 Ways Movies Get Space Wrong (by Astronaut Chris Hadfield)
#5. Going to the Bathroom in Space Is Awesome
For the solid waste, air sucks it into storage, where it’s exposed to the vacuum of space, which kills off any bacteria and neutralizes the smell. We have to brace ourselves in order to keep the digested remnants of our freeze-dried ice cream from floating off into the station, but other than a bit of an upward draft, it’s rather comfortable. The waste is packed onto returning supply ships, which burn up when re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere (so if you saw a shooting star in early 2013, you might have had me to thank, although I wouldn’t recommend wishing upon it).
For urine, men use a funnel and women use a cup. These attach to a tube that sucks the urine into storage, where it’s later converted into drinking water. It’s expensive and impractical to bring water up to the station, so every drop of refinable liquid counts. And you can pee upside down, which I did, just for fun. Wouldn’t you?
I’m a scientist and I couldn’t stop reading this at work. Amazing article, super inspiring and quite frankly fucking awesome.
I want to pee upside down
Why do science teachers not welcome students the first day with “Work hard enough at this and you get to pee upside down”?