Joe Lozito faced a deranged stabber on the New York City subway, and lived to tell us all about it.
Cops Won’t Help You: 7 Things I Saw as a Real Slasher Victim
#6. The Cops Were Ready for Him, and by “Ready” I Mean “Hiding Behind a Locked Door”
[Slasher Maksim] Gelman backed away from the [engineer’s compartment] door and started pacing the [subway] car. The cops stayed put [in the compartment], because, as the rest of this story will make clear, they weren’t very good cops. One of the other passengers on the train recognized Gelman, though, and he started tapping on the engineer’s door furiously trying to warn them. They didn’t listen, and he stopped tapping once Gelman started making his way back to the front of the train.
Again, I didn’t know anything about the stabbings, and I’d never seen this dude’s face before. It was all a normal day on the train for me, right up until Gelman stopped in front of my seat, whipped out an eight-inch knife and said, “You’re going to die.”
“Shoot it! SHOOOOOT IIIIIT!”
7 Creepy Video Game Easter Eggs We Wish We Never Found
#7. Grand Theft Auto V — The Ghost of Mount Gordo
Presumably as a way to address the rumors of ghostly activity and the accusations of misogyny in one fell swoop, Rockstar Games went ahead and hid a she-spook in the latest game. If you want to see it for yourself, you’ll need to: 1) be at Mount Gordo between 11 p.m. and midnight on the game’s clock, and 2) make sure your cat isn’t in the room while you’re playing, because if it jumps on you when the ghost appears you’re gonna die for real… You can see the ghost only through a sniper scope, since it has intimacy issues and tends to disappear when you get too close. However, if you do have the balls to go stand on the rocks where the ghost used to be floating, you might notice it leaves a message written in blood…
Somehow that guy didn’t play basketball with Michael Jordan.
4 Famous Teams With Members They Don’t Want You to Know
#3. Bosko: The First Looney Toon
When Warner Bros. was just getting into animation, the first Looney Toon created was a little dude called Bosko. Bosko was … something. One of his creators described him as “an inkspot sort of thing.” He also was a “minstrel blackface” sort of thing… Bosko really was the star of the show in the early years, appearing in over 30 Looney Toons shorts in the 1920s and 1930s before he disappeared. Surprisingly, it wasn’t his slightly icky character origination that saw the end of him. Bosko’s rights were owned by his creators, not Warner Bros. themselves, and when they left the studio after a few years they took Bosko with them.
Studies show O’Doyle would’ve enjoyed a long, healthy life of ruling for years to come.
4 Things No One Understands About Being Bullied
#3. Physical Well-Being
Bullies are healthier than the kids they bully later in life. Being a good bully will actually ensure that as an adult you’ll have lower levels of C-reactive protein, which is an indicator that has been linked to cardiovascular risk and other health issues. If you kick another kid’s ass, you will be healthier as an adult. And a study tracking over 7,700 children for 40 years showed the victims of bullying, even at age 50, reported a lower quality of life than their bully counterparts and tended to suffer more depression and anxiety.
It turns out they do some jail terms like detention in The Breakfast Club (and the system gives you the horns).
5 Things I Learned Smuggling Drugs into Jail Under My Junk
#5. Jail Has Stupid Rules
Through a series of bad decisions and disastrous luck, I wound up getting sentenced to a weekends-only jail term, which I’m guessing most of you didn’t even know was a thing. … Later, I was riding my bike, enjoying my last hours of freedom and rethinking my life choices. That’s the last thing I remember before I woke up in the middle of the street, covered in blood. I’d been hit by a car, my arm broken at a complete right angle. … The weekend after my surgery, I was in a cast and under lockdown. And herein lies the problem:
I was on a regimen of about six Oxycontin a day as well as a muscle relaxer in order to manage the pain of recently having six screws, two bolts, and a metal plate shoved inside my arm. I thought I would be fine just bringing my pills and my prescriptions in with me to show that I needed them, and the guards or whoever would dole them out to me as needed during my stay. Imagine my delight when the officer informed me that I wouldn’t be getting my medication until they heard from my physician — who, like most doctors, was not in the office on weekends. I was so fucked that the officer actually said, “Looks like you’re kinda fucked.”
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